fear.

i'm the type of person that is scared of life. i'm scared of everything around me. i'm scared of rejection, and i'm scared of anything going well. perhaps this is due to the fear of change, or the fear of more pain. the fear that another person hurting me is more than i can handle. the fear that i will fall so in love that i will completely lose myself all over again. the fear that i will never regain my strength.

today i learned that life is about getting through those fears. even though they haunt me throughout every minute of everyday, i should forget about the consequences, i should live for the moment, take the chance, otherwise the chance may be gone forever. i'm trying to do this, trying to make myself more spontaneous, trying to do what makes me happy. it's hard though, and takes a lot of time and experience to get to the point where you don't care what everyone around you thinks or wants you to do.

a year and a half ago i took a big step, made a decision that at the end of the day made me extremely happy. it had consequences, but not very big ones, the people that loved me are still around today and the ones that didn't agree with my decision, well there wasn't many anyways, aren't around which in the end was for the better.

i guess i can learn a lot from my own experience, learn that it will be ok. doing things for me and taking chances that have ultimate risks may lead to the better. they may also not, but at the end of the day, if they don't, i have the support system and a network of friends around the world that can get through my day until i have recuperated my strength. and i will recuperate, everyone always does.