sensible heart

human beings waste so many seconds, minutes, hours, days, years, and even decades living in fear. fear that they will never be able to achieve all that they dream of. even smaller dreams, dreams of finding love, finding stable jobs, getting an education, dreams that are so ordinary to the everyday man. over a hundred years ago, Benjamin Franklin, the man who discovered electricity, shared his secret of success. "Never leave for tomorrow what you can do today" he said. If man weren't so afraid of rejection, failure, and decisions, perhaps we wouldn't put so much off.

a wise friend of mine deligently follows her horoscope and has recently got me hooked. today, oddly enough, my emotions lie at the core of my aries reading. it states:
you need to be presistent, and yet keep a low profile as far as love is concerned, espeically with the planetary transits of the day. any brash or inapporpriate delcarations of love may have the opposite effect on someone you badly wish to influence. you are ususally very disciplined about these matters anyway, but this person needs handling with kid gloves. if you think it is really worth it, then keep going!

when the cosmic magic around me is telling me to hold back, franklin's advice scares me of the cosequences that jumping into something brings. my mentor once told me "the faster you get into things the faster they fall". i'm one to preach on living for today, but with you i'm going to sacrifice. i'm going to play the waiting game, and leave my heart out a little longer. make sure i am not gambling more than i am willing to loose.

inception.

the worst part about it all, is when you get to know that person that was so perfect in your mind, and you realize that their not so perfect.

my heart goes out to you.

in an instant it can be over. the reality of the past 24 hours sickens me. it's terrifying. it's the most heart wrenching experience. each and every day we need to enjoy it. live for the possiblities that take us away to a place where we happiest. buy those extra shoes, take that extra shot, dance that extra hour, sing that extra minute, hug that person an extra second, love that extra person, and laugh those extra minutes. take gratitude in what you have and who you have. ensure that everyone around you knows how much you truly love them. each and every day. you just never know, and it's only through tragedy that you learn these things. just do it. do what you need to do to not ever look back and say "i wish i had done that".

silence.

i hate the silence. it always leaves me alone with my thoughts. the words in my head that spin myself into a metamorphosis of insanity. the words that scream the loneliness of my inner core and scream out the truth at a magnitude louder than blazing sirens. the quiet brings about all i don't want to think. the words that whisper at the speed of my light and continue with no resistance. silence scares me, why, because it only screams the truth.

everybody hurts.

Don't know, Don't know if I can do this on my own
Why do you have to leave, me
It seems, I'm losing something deep inside of me
Hold on, onto me

Now I see

Everybody hurts some days
Its okay to be afraid
Everybody hurts
Everybody screams
Everybody feels this way
And its okay
Its okay

It feels like nothing really matters anymore
When you're gone
I can't breathe
And I know you never meant to make me feel this way
This can't be happening on me

Now I see
Everybody hurts somedays
Its okay to be afraid
Everybody hurts

to the person who showed me it would be ok.

I can be tough, I can be strong
But with you, it's not like that at all
There's a girl that gives a shit
Behind this wall you just walk through it

And I remember

All those crazy things you said
You left them running through my head
You're always there, you're everywhere
Right now I wish you were here

All those crazy things we did
Didn't think about it, just went with it
You're always there, you're everywhere
But right now I wish you were here

what i'd do to have you here.
i never want to let go.

l.o.v.e.

something that is rare in this life....love.
either you have it, you don't, or you unhappily have it, or your constantly longing for it. those who have it are rare. those who don't are constantly seeking it, and those who unhappily have it wish they didn't. it's seems hard to find people who have been happily in love for several years. i have studied human sexuality and have learned theories that humankind is not naturally monogamous, and the more i look around the more i see that this theory may not necessarily be a theory. it's scary for a hopeless romantic to view the reality of love and the rareity it is found. not every princess will get their prince and that's a harsh reality to face. instead we have been forced to settle. settle because it is better than being alone, or so we are told. i've settled a few times and always find myself much happier alone. i guess all i can do is remain a hopeless romantic and keep waiting for that other mate. Hopefully if they ever come, i'll have waited long enough to understand what i need and become part of that small precentage that is truly happily in love. i have huge fear though, doubt that that reality is of any truth.

glass.

there could be a million people around you and you could still feel lonely. loneliness creeps up at you at the most unsuspected time. walking around the middle of London, out dancing with your friends, or sitting around the kitchen table at dinner with your family, it still manages to find you. with all the money in the world, a great career, loneliness still breaks down a person's emotional shield. it shatters your happiness and brings you to a realization that you only have yourself in the world, and you must do what it takes to keep surviving, alone.