today you told me we would have already been engaged for a year. it makes my heart hurt to think back to those times. those times when we spent every waking minute together. planning our life together and building a family. when i think about it now, it makes my stomach turn. i miss you. i'll always miss you. you were my first love and that love will never die.
i am thankful though. thankful that i made that decision. through all the pain i caused, the decision was still the best one. if i didn't break you i would have never been as happy and experienced as i am today. i would have never been myself. i would have never gone to england. i would have never questioned my entire being.
i still thank the person that opened my eyes the most and showed me life can be different, it can be what i want it to be.
as i sit here now, teary eyed, thinking that perhaps today would have been that big day. that day full of expectations, the big white dress, and the day i would have promised you something i would have never meant, i don't regret that big decision. not even a little bit.
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