swim far

go over the pond they say.

i heard once that you can find yourself over the pond.

so i went.
i swam all the way there.
but when i got there i couldn't find myself.

i was gone.
i searched and searched but wasn't there.

i then realized that what I had come to find wasn't over the pond
but it was with me the whole time.
i was standing in front of what i was looking for the whole time.
but i wasn't whole. i was damaged, broken, and scared.

but, from across the pond i looked different, I could see myself in a completely different way.
i could understand the brokenness.
i could find meaning to the damage,
and value to the fear.

i realized that these things made me whole.
they made me understand myself perfectly.
they made me realize all that i have become today.

so they were right when they told me to cross that pond.
it wasn't about finding a new self, but instead finding the means to view your perfect self.

I'm ready now to go back across the pond. go back and tell others how i found what i was looking for, and perhaps help them find what they may be searching for.