england

there are no words to describe how i feel right now as the best year of my life is officially coming to an end. to the friends i have made around the world, to the places that i have visited, and to the beauty i have experienced, i am lost for words.

to my new sisters maria p, maria s, vic, emma, and tatevik, who i shared this experience with, i feel so lucky to have had this oppurtunity to meet such wonderful people and find friendships that will last a lifetime.

no other experience could have made me grow as strong as i did this year, and no other experience could teach me about life and the world the way this year did.

i am so fortunate to have made a family around the world.

i love you girls.

brown eyes

crossing the line.

i constantly get boggled down trying to understand the limited minds of some. to suppress someone because of their sexual orientation is something i will never personally understand. i am so fortunate and privleged to come from a society that is based upon equal rights and oppurtunities for citizens, granting agency to their citizens without dependent measures of race, gender, sexual orientation, etc. Pehaps, i have grown up 'too open-minded' to some, as i have been raised by my mother whose mentality is situated on the rights of personal choice and personal growth of each individual. to me, scolding one because of their sexual orientation is something i can't bear to witness.

to my dear friend who is suffering during this time, please stay strong, you have tremendous support around you. hang in there, and i promise i'll always be here for you.

get on.

manipulation is the name of the game.
immaturity, i think so.
it won't go on this time.

guilt control is the weapon of power.
selfish, i think so.
it won't go on this time.

mind games are the price to bid on.
control, i think so.
it won't go on this time.


love, is about allowing the freedom of one to change. not holding them back, not scolding them for developing, and not constantly tricking them into staying.

the end has come, i wish you well.

anthem

stop crying your heart out

Cause all of the stars are fading away
Just try not to worry you'll see them some day
Take what you need and be on your way
And stop crying your heart out

you'll never change what's been and gone.

you.

Before you,
My whole life was acapella.

Now a symphonys
The only song to sing .

tell her

a thank you that words could not express

for the past two years, i have been truly blessed to have been brought my personal mentor. she has been a secret really, a secret that has helped kept me sane at the most difficult time of my life. through her teachings she has helped me learn about the most precious aspects of life that most take for granted. she keeps me grounded by showing me the values of life, and developing our connection with our inner selves.

i am so incredibly fortunate to have the oppurtunity to be her student and learn the ways of life under her.

thank you for your constant words of inspiration, you'll never know how much i appreciate you.

love always.

words.

All that we are is the result of what we have thought.
Think love. Be love.



--my mentor.

plastic.

i don't want to be just another pretty bitch in the street.
i'm not a carbon copy of what you want.
i value difference.

the illuminati in drama libre

A man...a woman...he...she...the story...who needs many words?
A truth...a lie...what is reality?
How many times do words take to end a relationship?
It seems a challenging task in a romance.
But it never stops us for searching love.
Welcome to join us in a ridiculous world.
--Alice Gerstengberg

words

What do you do when you realize that although you many have years of history, and found real value in each other in times past, that you kind of don't like a friend anymore? That, after time spent with this person, you feel drained, empty, belittled or insulted. My father always used to tell me that, 'you can't make new old friends.' How do you distinguish if someone in your life makes you change for the better of if you are better off without them?

lucky

my mentor told me that life is about memories.

she told me that through memories we see the beauty of life.

she was right.
she's always right.

and so they say

a night i will never forget

one of the best concerts of my life.

swim far

go over the pond they say.

i heard once that you can find yourself over the pond.

so i went.
i swam all the way there.
but when i got there i couldn't find myself.

i was gone.
i searched and searched but wasn't there.

i then realized that what I had come to find wasn't over the pond
but it was with me the whole time.
i was standing in front of what i was looking for the whole time.
but i wasn't whole. i was damaged, broken, and scared.

but, from across the pond i looked different, I could see myself in a completely different way.
i could understand the brokenness.
i could find meaning to the damage,
and value to the fear.

i realized that these things made me whole.
they made me understand myself perfectly.
they made me realize all that i have become today.

so they were right when they told me to cross that pond.
it wasn't about finding a new self, but instead finding the means to view your perfect self.

I'm ready now to go back across the pond. go back and tell others how i found what i was looking for, and perhaps help them find what they may be searching for.

worth

i can't bear the 100 questions.
every day, full of non sense
full of answers i can't face
full of things I don't know.

i can't answer them anymore
i'm sorry i don't feel what you want me to feel.

i wish you knew that you're only pushing me farther away.

my favourite song

mam krasny sen

the 5 inevitable stages

According to Elisabeth Kubler-Ross, when we're dying or have suffered a catastrophic loss, we all move through five distinct stages of grief. We go into denial because the loss is so unthinkable we can't imagine it's true. We become angry with everyone, angry with survivors, angry with ourselves. Then we bargain. We beg. We plead. We offer everything we have, we offer our souls in exchange for just one more day. When the bargaining has failed and the anger is too hard to maintain, we fall into depression, despair, until finally we have to accept that we've done everything we can. We let go. We let go and move into acceptance.

i really miss you.

27.

In 27 days a big chapter of my life will be closing.
I'm not quite sure I'm ready for this closure to occur yet.

my life through signs.